The Best of DBZ Soundtrack!
by S.T.D
Summary: Read STD's story, or she'll call you a tory! ...Is that even still an insult? Or was it ever?
1. Kakarrot, Be Prepared!

"Kakarrot, Be Prepared!"

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or The Lion King.

* * *

Setting: At Capsule Corporation - Vegeta becomes frustrated with his training and (as usual) issues a vow to defeat his rival Goku, who is currently in the otherworld enjoying a pleasant dinner of pears with King Kai.

Vegeta (leaning tiredly against the Gravity Room wall as he gives his soliloquy(: Blast that Kakarrot! He's always one step ahead of me, even in death!

(Continuing dramatically, now with a hopeful gleam in his eyes): I'll defeat him though, even if it takes me past my own death! I'll redeem my supremacy as the Prince of all Saiyans!

With his fists clenched and a maniacal smirk gracing his lips, the Prince breaks out into song:

Vegeta (to Goku): I know that your powers of nutrition,

Will allow you to eat a thousand warthogs deep-fried.

But thick as you are, pay attention!

My words are a matter of pride.

It's clear from your vacant expression,

The lights are not all on upstairs.

But we're talking foes and contentions;

Even _you_ can't be caught unawares!

So prepare for a clash of a lifetime!

Be prepared for a sensational bruise!

I am the eliter!

I'll be the defeater!

Bulma (sarcastically): Gawd, what a preacher.

Vegeta (angrily to Bulma): You insolent creature!

Vegeta (to his 'audience'): I know it sounds sordid,

But I'll finally be rewarded,

My birthright and princely dues!

Goku (with his mouth full, to King Kai): Hey, can I have another of those delicious pears?

Vegeta (shaking his fist at Goku): Kakarrot! Be prepared!

Trunks (walking in with Goten, unaware of his father's state of mind): Be prepared?

Okay Dad, we'll be prepared…But, uh, for what?

Vegeta (hysterically): For the demise of Kakarrot!

Goten (innocently): Why, is he sick?

Vegeta: No, fools! I'll kill him. And his eldest brat too!

Trunks: Great idea! Who needs the Saiyans? No Saiyans, no Saiyans, la la-la la-la la!

Vegeta: Idiots! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans!

Goten (becoming teary-eyed, as he is just now realizing that Vegeta wants to kill his father): But my dad...

Vegeta (ignoring Goten and trying to instill some logic into his own brat): _I_ am a Saiyan! As long as I'm around, there will always be Saiyans…and, uh, you'll never go hungry again!

Goten and Trunks: Yay! All right!

Long live the Saiyans!

Long live the Saiyans!

Goku and King Kai (chowing down harmonically in the otherworld): …Yum…yum…yum…yum.

Vegeta: It's great that it'll soon be corrected;

I'll defeat him, I'll settle the score!

Bulma (smirking knowingly): Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected,

To keep a certain GR in regard.

Your future is littered with prizes,

If you keep using my technology.

But for me to allow it, a few compromises…

(Shrieking) – Are in order, 'cause you won't get a sniff without me!

Vegeta (aside): Blasted Woman!

Goku and King Kai: …Yum…Yum…Yum…Yum.

Vegeta: So prepare for the coup of the century!

Kakarrot! Be prepared for it is you I shall slam!

Trunks and Goten (in the background): Oooh!

Vegeta: Meticulous training

Trunks and Goten (in the background): We'll have food!

Vegeta: Fortitude gaining!

Trunks and Goten (in the background): Lots of food!

Vegeta: No room for denial!

Trunks and Goten (in the background): We repeat,

Vegeta: It's simple, 'cause I'll…

Trunks and Goten (in the background): Endless meat!

Vegeta: Be strongest, undisputed!

Trunks and Goten (in the background): Aaaaaaah!

Vegeta: Perfected, reputed!

Trunks and Goten (in the background): Aaaaaaah!

Vegeta: And feared for the Saiyan I am!

Trunks and Goten (in the background): Aaaaaaah!

Goku to King Kai: Look! My entire mouth has been stuffed full of pears!

King Kai: Hey, those were supposed to be shared!

Vegeta (shaking his fist): Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared! Kakarrot, be prepared!

* * *

Ending Notice: Readers, I would like to sincerely apologize for shaming and disturbing your eyes with such ridiculousness. I was working my other stories, but out of sheer boredom, I decided to grace you all with a small musical interlude. If any of you wackos actually liked this, message me through my profile or let me know in a review, and I'll add a few more. These literally take me less than a half an hour each.

Sorry to those of you who reviewed when I originally posted this. I just wanted to compile them together.

Additionally, please read my story "A Halloween Party at Capsule Corp." And VOTE.


	2. Just Can't Wait to Beat Cell!

"Just Can't Wait to Beat Cell!"

Dedicated to "The General of Darkness" for the brilliant suggestion.

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ, the Lion King, or Elton John.

* * *

It was, as usual, another day of hard training for the Z Fighters. With the Cell Games looming in the near future, they couldn't afford to take any time away from their rigorous regimes…Or could they?

Suddenly, a divine inspiration struck all of them, except Vegeta, and they soon found themselves rocketing towards Capsule Corp. After landing on the lawn and dragging Vegeta out of the Gravity Room (against his will, I might add), they impulsively burst into glorious song!

(All Z fighters bob their heads and wave their arms to be beat of the music. Except Vegeta.)

Gohan: I'm working on a mighty sting,

So Cell, you'd best beware!

Vegeta (mocking): Let me guess, you'll scare Cell away,

With your teddy bear underwear!

Gohan: I'm gonna have a power surge,

Like no Saiyan before me!

I'm working out, muscles abound!

I'm building up my Ki!

Vegeta (speaking sarcastically): Thus far, only a rather uninspiring swell.

Gohan: Oh, I just can't wait to beat Cell!

Vegeta (speaking): You've rather a long way to go, brat, if you think...

Piccolo (ignoring Vegeta): Gohan, give him your best fist.

Vegeta (being ignored): Now when I said that, I--

Goku (ignoring Vegeta): And give him a good glare!

Vegeta (being ignored): What I meant was...

Krillin (ignoring Vegeta): Yeah Gohan, squish him flat!

Vegeta (being ignored): Look, what you don't realize...

Yamcha and Chaotzu (ignoring Vegeta): We'll be there to cheer!

Vegeta (extremely frustrated): Fools, now see here!

Chichi (shaking her finger): Don't forget to study every day!

Goku (scratching his head absentmindedly): Well, that's definitely out...

Gohan: I'll beat him with a kamehame-hey!

(They pause from singing momentarily to perform a brilliantly choreographed tap and Cossack dance sequence. Vegeta wrinkles his nose in disgust.)

Vegeta: Kakarrot, it's time that you and I,

Forgot about this Cell guy!

Renew our feud, battle to the death--

Goku (interrupting): But if we don't train now we'll die!

Vegeta: If you disregard the face-off owed,

Then Kakarrot, count me out!

Out of service, off the face of the Earth!

I wouldn't hang about!

Bulma (to Vegeta): If you try to leave, I'll make your life a living hell!

All Z Fighters (except Vegeta): Oh, we just can't wait to beat Cell!

An uppercut to the left!

And a kick to the right!

And in no time,

We'll reduce his might!

Vegeta (speaking, but in strict time): Yeah right.

Everyone but Vegeta: Let us all wish Cell a long farewell,

'Cause in fear our dear Gohan will make him quell!

And his existence on the Earth we will expel!

Gohan: Oh I just can't wait to beat Cell!

Everyone (except Vegeta): Oh we just can't wait to beat Cell!

(In an amazing frenzy of circling, spinning, and flying, the Z Fighters form a tower, with Gohan at the top, with their arms extended in jubilation.)

Everyone except Vegeta: Oh we just can't waaaaaait ... to beat Cell!

Vegeta (propping his scowling head up from underneath the tower that squashed him face-down on the ground): Well, _fuck_.


	3. Hercule, Fabulous He!

"Hercule, Fabulous He!"

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or Aladdin, and especially not that lyrics that I pretty close to blatantly copied.

* * *

(It's the annual Hercule Satan Day parade! The streets are crowded with Satan City citizens as Hercule and Co. slowly roll down the street in limos. Videl is sitting next to her father (against her will) trying very hard to restrain herself from strangling him, and even the Z fighters are watching the parade on TV from the safe haven of Capsule Corp.)

Hercule's Publicists: Make way for Hercule!

Say hey! It's Hercule!

Hey! Clear the way for his flashy sports car!

Hey you!

Let us through!

It's our favorite star!

Oh come!

Be the first on your block to meet his eye!

Satan City Newspaper Reporters: Make way!

Here he comes!

Give a cheer! Up with your thumbs!

Don't ya just love this guy!

Herc's Public Relations advisor: Hercule! Fabulous he!

Hercule, voila!

Your stance should reflect undying respect!

Down on one knee!

Now, try your best to stay calm,

Though you love him more than your mom.

So come and meet his wondrous celebrity!

People of Satan City: Hercule! Mighty is he!

Hercule, hurrah!

Strong as ten regular men, definitely!

He faced the worst enemy,

Ever present in Earth's history!

Who sent Cell down on his knees?

Why, Hercule!

Loyal members of Herc's dojo: He's got seventy-five martial arts schools!

To not enroll your kid,

You'd be a fool!

When it comes to his tournament trophies,

Poor, unknowing child: Has he got a few?

Dojo members: No way, kid, he's got a world-class menagerie!

Swooning bimbos: Hercule! Handsome is he!

'Specially in the raw!

That physique! How can I speak!

I'm weak at the knee!

Gohan (aside to other Z fighters): Is it just me, or are you a bit scared,

Of that enormous afro of hair!

Bimbos: Let's all gawk and grovel and stare at Hercule!

PR manager: There's no question that Herc is alluring

Citizens: Never ordinary, never boring!

PR Manager: Everything about the man just plain impresses!

Citizens: He's a winner, he's a whiz, a wonder!

Bimbos: He's about to pull my heart asunder!

Erasa: And I absolutely love the way he dresses!

Hercule's Dojo members: He's got ninety-five Budokai titles!

Gohan: Well that's a lie.

Bulma: I think I'll cry.

Publicist: And to view them he only charges a small fee!

Citizens: He's generous, so generous!

Publicist: He's got attendants and servants and lackeys!

Attendants, servants, lackeys: Proud to work for him!

PR Manager: They bow to his whim, love serving him!

Vegeta: Everyone's just lousy with loyalty to that oaf Hercule!

Bimbos: Hercule! Amorous he!

Citizens: Gosh, we're so in awe!

Sharpener: Heard your daughter was a sight lovely to see!

PR Manager: And that, good people, is why they got dolled up and dropped by,

(Videl sports a look of pure revulsion on her face. She clearly does not want to be there with her father.)

With sixty reporters, cameras galore!

With his bodyguards, cooks,

A brass band and more!

With his forty thousand balloons and beers,

Z Fighters: It's enough to bring us to tears!

Citizens: Make way for Hercule!

Hercule (in his classic peace sign pose): Oh yeah! Who's the champ!


	4. Kakarrot, I Will Pass You Up!

"Kakarrot, I Will Pass You Up!"

By: S.T.D.

Disclaimer: Defiling and deflowering these songs and characters is my way of throwing a huge tantrum about how I _don't_ own them.

Vegeta is such a vulnerable target for my parodies…

* * *

The brooding and ambitious Prince of All Saiyans slammed his sweaty fist into the wall of the Gravity Room while emitting a low, vicious growl.

_I'll not allow that third-class, poor excuse of a Saiyan to remain stronger than me! _

_Vegeta, get over it. He's dead_, Bulma stated though their bond.

_Don't eavesdrop, blasted Woman! I'll not allow either of you to deter me from my goal!_

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, strangely familiar music began to play softly in the background. As it grew steadily louder, Vegeta balled his hands into fists, looked towards the sky and let out a defiant, primal roar, then as if by instinct, joined in with the music as the lead singer:

Vegeta: I want to be the very best,

Like no one ever was!

To pass him up is my real test,

I'll train hard for my cause!

Trunks and Goten (In the back ground, waving their arms to the beat): Oooh!

Vegeta: I will travel across the land,

To where his harpy mate resides!

I'll spar his brat to understand

The power he holds inside!

Trunks and Goten: Power inside!

Vegeta: Kakarrot!

It's you vs. me!

I know it's my destiny!

Kakarrot!

Ooh, your doom will impend,

For I vow I will ascend!

Kakarrot!

They say your heart's so true,

That your courage always pulls you through!

Well learn to fear, 'cause I'll teach you!

Kakarrot!

I will pass you up!

Trunks and Goten: He will pass you up!

Goten (scratching his head): Wait…

Trunks alone: He will pass you up!

Vegeta: From this objective, I won't stray,

With my superiority, we will face!

By preparations everyday,

I'll claim my rightful place!

Bulma: Why all the enmity and spite?

You two could make a great team!

Arm in arm, you could win all your fights!

That's always been my dream!

Vegeta: Damn woman!

Don't try to dissuade me!

It's my rightful destiny!

Damn woman!

How can you even suggest,

Such idiocy, I'm almost depressed!

Brainless woman!

I'm disgusted that you,

Even mentioned such a taboo!

I won't be beat, so you can wish a heartfelt adieu to

Kakarrot!

I will pass him up!

Bulma: You are such a schlup.

Vegeta (shaking his fist): Kakarrot!

Vegeta: Kakarrot!

It's you vs. me!

I know it's my destiny!

Kakarrot!

Ooh, your doom will impend,

For I vow I will ascend!

Kakarrot!

They say your heart's so true,

That your courage always pulls you through!

Well learn to fear, 'cause I'll teach you!

Kakarrot!

I will pass you up!

I will pass you up!

I will pass you up!

Kakarrot!

* * *

Ending Notice: Review, send a message, or IM me (screenname: Dictatorific) to tell me what you think, dawgs. 


	5. A Quite Screwed World!

A Quite Screwed World

Another song parody from the quite screwed mind of S.T.D.

Disclaimer: Ic agan nawiht, min freonden.

Author's Notice: Oy, just so you understand if something doesn't fit terribly well in the song: I mostly try to stay true to the rhyming schemes rather than the rhythms.

* * *

The planet Earth. A barren desert. A fighting ring. (Dramatic pause.) The Cell Games.

Cell stood still in the middle of the ring; only his eyes shifted as he glanced over the fighters present.

_Oh goody, the idiot Goku and his little posse. And look! Even that weakling Hercule showed up. What a splendid little event this turned out to be!_

He almost gagged on his own thoughts. But suddenly, he noticed something in the distance.

_Oh sweet mother of Gero! Film crews from around the globe! What luck! Now that the whole world is watching, I can finally make my debut!_

Cell suddenly cleared his throat loudly, catching the attention of the Z Fighters and causing them to tense up, ready for action. However, all of their expressions contorted to ones of utter horror as Cell's move became apparent.

"Mi mi mi mi miii," they heard him arpeggiate as a standard warm-up exercise for the vocal chords. He smirked satisfactorily as he adjusted himself to a more appropriate performance position in the ring, quickly sprayed a bit of mint mist into his mouth, and erupted into an operatic tenor:

Cell (with passion): I can blow up your world,

Before your eyes, live and candid!

Tell me, Goku, but when did

You last witness a planet be fried?

Gohan (aside): Wouldn't that have been Namek, Dad?

Goku (in his usually happy voice): That's right, son!

Cell: I can make the world cry,

I'll tear each city asunder!

Storm and pillage and plunder,

Many deaths will come with each stride!

Cell: A quite screwed world!

Worse than an epidemic of the flu!

No one to tell me no,

Or where to go,

'Cause they'll all be dead or screaming!

Cell: A quite screwed world,

A fizzling place who's doom is due.

Go on and pass out the beer,

It might dull the fear.

The knowledge of this quite screwed world,

So true,

Now you know of this quite screwed world—

Vegeta (to Cell): Shut up and get on with the fight!

There's no current form of healing,

That can cure your wounds once I send you reeling,

Through the endless Earthen sky!

Cell (emotionally): A quite screwed world!

Goku (to Gohan): Son, don't you dare close your eyes!

Gohan (to Goku): But he's really, _really_ scaring me!

Mirai Trunks: Crap. My pants just got wetter.

Cell: I'm Earth's next big star! I've come so far! I won't go back to the test tube where I used to be!

Cell (In a voice rivaling that of Pavarotti): A quite screwed wooorld!

Krillin: This really must be our demise…

Gohan (pouting): Now I'll never be old enough for a tattoo.

Piccolo (to Gohan): Not like your mother would let you.

Cell: The planet will be gone in a flare, so say your last prayer! Let me make this world quite screwed for you!

Hercule and reporters (fearfully): A quite screwed world?

Cell: A quite screwed world!

Cell: That's where you'll be!

Tien: Damn. That's where we'll be.

Cell: Not even a trace!

Krillin (swallowing loudly): Just empty space…

All Z Fighters (hopelessly) except Vegeta, who is POed: For you and me…


	6. Fight Me, Baby, One More Time!

"Fight Me, Baby, One More Time."

A song parody by STD.

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own DBZ, but fortunately I don't own the other person from which this parody draws influence.

And yes, you Shakespearoholics, the intro _is_ a sonnet, including the correct rhyming scheme and iambic pentameter.

* * *

Oh, as he trained, a thought doth struck the Prince,

A thought that wrought to wring his very soul.

And though the notion ascertained a wince,

He well believed it just might seal his goal.

Why, music by the soul can be consumed,

So as his good friend Franklin(1) once did say.

A soul's but all the dead has left, assumed,

And food is all his rival will obey!

Oh, Kakarrot by song would be compelled,

To face him in a clash revitalized.

Back to the Kais he'd thereon be propelled,

But by the Prince, as was, by fate, incised.

To fool his dear foe's soul with promised feast,

The Prince's inner diva was released:

(1) This would be Aretha Franklin, kids, the Queen of Soul. Her music is commonly known as 'soulfood.' Shakespeare had a similar quote, though: "If music be the food of love, play on!" from _The Twelfth Night_, or something like that, but Motown's Aretha's quote is much more applicable in this case, specifically because Vegeta and Kakarrot are not in love…though that might make an interesting parody later…

* * *

"Fight Me, Baby, One More Time!"

Vegeta (solo): Oh Kakarotto, how was I supposed to know,

That Cell would really beat you!

Oh Kakarotto, I shouldn't have let you go;

It was _my_ destiny to kill you!

I'll show you how it really should be!

Come back, Kak'rot, 'cause I need to know now, oh, because…

_Chorus:_ My dominance is killing me! ('Cause I)

Must prove to you, I will achieve! (Will achieve)

When I can't spar you, I lose my mind!

Your death is mine!

Fight me, baby, one more time!

Oh Kakarotto, the reason I train is you!

Fool! You've got me glue'ed!

Oh Kakarotto, there's nothing that I wouldn't do,

To gain the strength to beat you!

I'll show you how it really should be!

Come back Kak'rot, 'cause I need to know now, oh, because…

_Chorus:_ My Saiyan pride is killing me! ('Cause I)

Must prove to you, I will achieve! (Will achieve)

When I can't spar you, I lose my mind!

Your death is mine!

Fight me, baby, one more time!

Oh Kakarotto, how was I supposed to know!

You brainless fool, why did you have to go?

Must prove to you, my princely pride, overcoming me now!

Don't you know, I still believe -

That you will come back; your death will be mine!

Fight me, baby, one more time!

* * *

End notice: I'd say this is one of the lamer ones in the set. Comments are great, kids. I have another Vegeta hit planned for the near future, as well as a Bulma follow up on his so-called OCD.

And now for something completely random – The only reasons to see X-Men 3:

1) The face-off between the fire guy and the ice guy is like a kamehameha showdown.

2) One character has super speed, kind of like the Z-fighters!

3) When Jean Grey undergoes her freaky transformation, it's kind of like how the Saiyans go super!

4) The Juggernaut reminds me of Nappa: huge and tightly-clad.

5) Magneto says badguy-cliché phrases like, "Come, I have an army to build."

6) Wolverine is hot.

* * *


	7. Bad Guys are Back!

Bad Guys are Back! An Excerpt.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or Sir Mixalot.

Hellooo. It seems that really don't have much time for fanfiction anymore… Maybe someday I'll complete my fics. But for now, here's just a short song to pass some time.

* * *

_[Valley-girl Speech]_

Zarbon: Oh. My. God. Frieza, look where we are.

Frieza: It's still here. *scoff* It looks like some of those Saiyan's are still around.

Dodoria: But, y'know, who understands those Saiyans anyway? *scoff* They only stayed here, because their mates are total prostitutes.

King Cold: And their appetites…just so big. *scoff*

Nappa and Radditz: Hey!

Frieza: I can't believe it's just still here, it's like, out there, in space - gross.

It's like galactic ... plaque!

_[Rap]_

[Radditz]: I hate this place and I cannot lie,

You other brothers can't deny

That this loathsome planet with its really stupid race

Is definitely a waste of space.

[Frieza]:It's like dung, so not oddly enough,

I just wanna blow it up in a puff.

Deep to its core despairing,

I'll venture ki-ball-bearing.

Oh Earthlings, I wanna sit wit'cha

Then cause your stricture!

My homeboys'll try to warn me,

But those Saiyans you got – their heads will adorn me!

[Nappa]: Ooh, Prince –o' – Saiyans,

I thought you said we were friends!

But you killed me, killed me!

An' now it's time fo' revenge!

I'll be advancin'

Don' bother enhancin'

'Cause I'm set, a threat,

I'll put you out like a cigarette!

I'm tired of magazines,

Sayin' Vegeta's all the thing

Take the average bad guy and ask him that

He'll say that whack mag is on crack.

[Ginyu Force]: So, Ginyus!

Yeah! (pose)

Ginyus!

Yeah! (pose)

Will we transcend those smuts?

Hell yeah! (pose)

Then we're gonna take 'em!

Shake 'em! (pose)

Quake 'em!

Break 'em! (pose)

Break them down to the butt!

Bad guys are back!

[Everyone!]:Bad guys are back!

* * *

Oh, and for some clarification. I got some reviews saying the Hercule song didn't make a lot of sense, and I was confused at first, but I realized why: I was in the habit of pronouncing Hercule's name incorrectly. I had only read the manga, and had never actually heard it being pronounced in the anime. So I assumed it was pronounced like Hercules, only without the "s." Hercu-lee. So that it rhymes with Prince Ali. Maybe it will make a little more sense now!


	8. Master Roshi Special!

Ready for some more hit tunes, readers!? This extra-special update contains not one, but TWO tracks! Hoorah!

Disclaimer: None of this crap is mine. I swear to GAWD.

* * *

Today we have a Master Roshi special, because while I'm freezing my ass off here in the UK, I thought about how lovely Turtle Island must be this time of year. So, while you sip your pina coladas and dig your toes through the sand, here's Master Roshi himself with his rendition of the Beach Boys' California Girls:

Master Roshi (with usual Hawaiian shirt, and now a ukelele):

Well Bulma Briefs is hip,

I really dig those styles she wears,

And Chi-chi Son, with her pan of doom,

She knocks me out when I'm down there.

Eighteen, though she's married, really makes you feel alright,

And aerobics girls with the way they kick,

They keep their boyfriends warm at night.

But…

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

I wish they all could be playboy hotty girls!

Satan City has the sunshine,

Mmm Erasa is so tanned.

I dig a French bikini on Turtle Island's

Lunch, by a palm tree in the sand.

I been all around this great big world,

And I've seen all kinds of girls.

Yeah, but I couldn't wait to get back to my mags,

Back to the cutest girls in the world!

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

I wish they all could be playboy hotty girls!

(fading)

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)

I wish they all could be playboy hotties,

(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)

* * *

And now, let us all hearken back to days of yore, when Goku and Krillin were but young children seeking training from the venerable Muten Roshi…

Master Roshi: Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Krillin and Goku: So tell us what you want, what you really, really want.

Master Roshi: I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Krillin and Goku: So tell us what you want, what you really, really want.

Master Roshi: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really

really really wanna hot lady's bra.

Master Roshi: If you want my teachings, to be unsurpassed,

Get me a hot mama, better make it fast.

Now don't go wasting my precious time,

Get me a hot lady, one who's mighty fine!

Master Roshi: I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Krillin and Goku: So tell us what you want, what you really, really want.

Master Roshi: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really

really really wanna pretty woman's bra.

Master Roshi: If you wanna be my student, I'm gonna need a girlfriend,

One who's young and sexy, my ogling never ends!

If you wanna be my student, you have got to give,

Maybe one in a bikini, that's just the way it is.

Goku: I guess I'll think about that, guess I'll give it a whirl,

Though I don't know the difference 'tween a boy and girl.

I won't be hasty, I'll give it a try

I'm off to find a girl, so now I'll say goodbye!

Master Roshi: Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Krillin and Goku: So tell us what you want, what you really, really want.

Master Roshi: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really

really really wanna see a foxy girl's bra.

Master Roshi: If you wanna be my student, I'm gonna need a girlfriend,

One who's young and sexy, my ogling never ends!

If you wanna be my student, you have got to give,

Maybe one in a bikini, that's just the way it is.

Krillin: So here's a story from A to Z, I don't know any girls,

But I got dirty magazines.

We got "Hustler" in my bag – hey, don't you like "Gent" mag?

I got "Oui" and "Gallery." Oh, you like 'em, how 'bout

"Cheri?" "Knave" doesn't come for free – real ladies,

and as for "Playboy," ah you'll see!

Master calm down, you're nose-bleeding all around,

Master calm down, you're nose-bleeding all around!

Master Roshi: If you wanna be my student, I'm gonna need a girlfriend,

One who's young and sexy, my ogling never ends!

If you wanna be my student, you have got to give,

Maybe one in a bikini, that's just the way it is.

Master Roshi: If you wanna be my student, you gotta, you gotta, you

gotta, you gotta, you gotta, what gams, gams, gams, gams!

Krillin: Master calm down, you're nose-bleeding all around,

Master calm down, you're nose-bleeding all around!

Master calm down, you're nose-bleeding all around,

Master calm down –

Master Roshi: Dirty magazines!

…If you wanna be my student.

* * *

(Thank you Spice Girls, for your contribution to my fanfic.)

Some more clarification for earlier tracks: For those of you who were confused about Chapter Four, "Kakarrot, I Will Pass You Up!" it is based on the Pokemon theme song.

Enjoy. Love, STD


	9. My What a Guy, Sharpner!

"My what a guy, Sharpner!"

A Song Parody by STD.

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or Beauty and the Beast.

A/N: "Sharpner" is spelled like that just for this song, so no one confuses it with the alternate pronunciation "Shar-pen-er." It is "Sharp-ner" for this song, got it?

* * *

It was a typical day at Orange Star High school.

Sharpner Pencil put on his best sexy smile.

"Hey Videl. How's about me and you, tonight at the movies. Alone."

"Over my dead body," Videl gagged.

Sharpner draped his arm over Videl's shoulders. "C'mon baby, I know you wan—OOF!"

Videl stomped furiously away, having just punched the blond in the gut.

Sharpner grasped his stomach in pain.

"I don't understand why she doesn't see anything in me! I mean, what is there _not_ to like about a manly man like me?"

"Damn straight," some random jock agreed with the blond.

"No one says "no" to Sharpner!" Sharpner sighed. "Except… except her. I'm dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear."

"How about some beer?" Some other ugly jock asked him.

"What for?" Sharpner moaned. "Nothing helps. I'm disgraced."

"Who, you?" the other jock asked. "Never! Sharpner, you've got to pull yourself together!"

(The music subtly started...)

Jock #1: Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Sharpner,

Looking so much like a grump.

Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Sharpner,

Even when taking a dump!

There's no jock at school as admired as you,

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy.

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

Videl: Though I find it quite hard to see why…

Chorus of Jocks: Noooo ooooone's slick as Sharpner,

No one's quick as Sharpner,

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Sharpner's

For there's no guy at school half as manly.

Videl (sarcastically): So exciting, he just makes me yawn.

Chorus: You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on….

Chorus of Jocks: Nooooo ooooone's been like Sharpner,

Videl: Has a dumb grin like Sharpner,

Jock #2: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Sharpner!

Sharpner (cheering up): As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

Jock Chorus: My what a guy, that Sharpner!

Angela: Oh my Sharpener, ah!

For you I would strip!

Sharpner: I love only Videl,

And the rest are all drips!

Chorus: No one has might like Sharpner,

Videl: Loses fights like Sharpner,

Jock #1: In a wrestling match no one's a knight like Sharpner!

Female classmates: For there's no one as burly and brawny,

Sharpner: As you see I've got biceps to spare.

Jock #2: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

Sharpner: That's right!

And girls can't resist my beee-autiful haaaair!

Class: No one hits like Sharpner!

Matches wits like Sharpner!

Videl (returning): If by "wits" you mean "shits" then that's more like Sharpner.

Gaston: Videl, one day we'll be procreating!

(Videl gags.)

Chorus:

We all love Sharpner!

Sharpner:

When I was a lad I vowed I'd date Videl,

To get noticed by her awesome dad.

And once I've achieved my high goal of Videl,

I'm sure that her dad will be glad!

Chorus:

Oh, ahhh, wow!

My what a guy, that Sharpner!

No one smells (good) like Sharpner

Always excels like Sharpner

Jock 1:

No one has a good chance with Videl as Sharpner!

Videl:

With that creep I wouldn't be caught dead dating!

Chorus:

My what a guy,

Sharpner!


	10. He is the one named Saiyaman!

Today's songs feature everyone's favorite superhero, along with everyone's favorite poses. Because you know you love them.

Disclaimer: STD does not own Gohan, Sailor Moon, or the Genie from Aladdin, or anything associated with them, including and not limited to, the movies and TV shows they appear in, as well as the music that graces these programs.

* * *

"Kiyah!"

Videl had just taken out the last ugly crook, when suddenly she heard something in the distance. Was…was that music?

She whipped around, only to see her nemesis, that Saiya-jerk, arriving on the scene. AND, with a theme song. The nerve of him!

She crossed her arms and glared as he sang.

* * *

Fighting crime by daylight,  

Givin' the crooks a pretty mighty fright,  

He can fly on his own, kinda like a kite!

He is the one named Saiyaman!   

He will never turn his back on Videl.  

She prob'ly thinks he's pretty swell.  

He's that special kind of guy whose feet don't smell!  

He is the one named Saiyaaaaa…  

Renzoku Dan! (Pose)

Jan-ken-pon! (Pose)

Masenko Ha! (Pose) 

I'm really strong! (This one involves sparkles and twirling.) 

His secret poses are just quite the sight!  

He is the one named Saiyaman.   

Fighting crime by daylight,  

Givin' the crooks a pretty mighty fright,  

Oh so cheerful, and he's real polite,  

He is the one named Saiyaman  

He is the one named Saiyaman  

He is the oooneeeee…SAIYAMAN!

* * *

"Hey Videl," he grinned widely as the police and other onlookers clapped. He was clearly proud of his 'accomplishment.' "How do you like my new song?"

Videl was disgusted. How freaking lame.

"That was not even original," she deadpanned.

He continued to grin.

"Hey, uh, so what criminals are we going to beat up today?" He asked, scratching his head.

"Well, you were so timely that you happened to MISS THEM ALL." She glared. "I already did all the work. Once again, you've proven how useless you are, and that I don't need you."

Saiyaman frowned.

"You know Videl," he replied. "Sometimes I get the impression that you don't really appreciate me."

"Yeah, no kidding," she scoffed.

"But let me tell you something Videl…"

Suddenly the lights dimmed, despite the fact that they were outside, and Saiyaman broke out into song (and DANCE – with lots of butt-shaking and spirit-fingers) again!

* * *

Well Sherlock Holmes, he had Dr. Watson, yeah.

And-a Batman had-a Robin too.

But Videl, you in luck, just you believe,

You got a sidekick who will see you through!

You got some power as your back-up now,

Some defense and if I do recall,

I've got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo! and how?

See all you need is that police call.

And I'll say:

Well, Miss Videl, my dear,

Who do you need subdued?

Some crooks? Robbers?

I'll jot it down!

You ain't never had a friend like me!

Ho ho ho! (He let out a crazy-person laugh)

Ending crime is what you want,

And I don't disagree!

C'mon whisper what it is you want,

You ain't never had a friend like me!

Yes ma'am, I pride myself on service,

But you're the boss,

The queen, the shah!

Say whom you need

To bleed! I'll heed,

I'll nail 'im straight in the jaw!

It doesn't matter what you say,

Videl, I shalt aid thee! (For free!)

I'm in the mood, to help you, dude!

You ain't never had a friend like me!

Wah-ah-ah

Oh my! (Pose)

Wah-ah-ah

No no! (Pose)

Wah-ah-ah

My my my! (Pose)

(posing frenzy)*

Chicka chicka boom boom-oh!

Can your friends do this? (He flies.)

Do your friends do that? (He poses.)

Do your friends kick a car, and make it splat?

Can your friends go, poof? (He uses the after-image technique.)

Well, looky here! (He reappears behind her, posing.)

Can your friends go, Kamehameha, let 'er rip!

And then make the sucker disappear?

So doncha sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed,

I'm here to answer all your midday prayers!

You got me bona fide, certified,

You got a sidekick with an air for flair!

I got a powerful urge to help you out,

So what-cha wish? I really wanna know!

You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt!

Well, all you gotta do is get a call – like so!

Well, Miss Videl, my dear, have a break for a moment, two or three!

I'm on the job, you big nabob!

You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend,

You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend,

You ain't never. Had a. Frieeend. Lllliiiiiikkkkeee meeeeee!

You ain't never had a friend like me, hah! (He ends with a dramatic pose, duh.)

* * *

"So Videl? Are we friends now?" He asked.

"No."

"Oh."

There was an awkward pause.

"Well, uh, do you have a list of stuff you'd like me to do? Maybe? Because, er, the song said you did…"

"I do actually. There are three things on it. Would you like to hear them?"

"Okay!"

"Number one, I would like to know who Saiyaman is. Number two, I would like Saiyaman to be attacked by candirus. And, number three, I would like Saiyaman to die."

There was another awkward silence.

"Um Videl? I think I should be going now."

"I think that's the first good idea you've had in a while."

* * *

Author's note: Before anyone says anything about kites, there are also birds called kites, ok???

*Youtube the genie song from Aladdin, and you will see some really first-rate poses here.


End file.
